Recognition

Passed through customs again today only to hear the apple agent announce to his coworkers,

 "I recognize her! Wait till you hear her laugh!" 

I'm a legend.

Diversions

My InCharge and I are in line to pass through Customs, he approached the agent before me. As I patiently await my turn, I overhear him debating with the agent about the origins of an apple he is trying to bring through, and attempting to convince the agent that he is in fact adhering to the 'fruity' regulations.

This whole conversation strikes me as so absurd and causes me to laugh to myself.
He seizes my laughter as an opportunity to take the heat of himself, and begins to tell the agent (who has just taken notice of my laugh) one of my many embarrassing stories to exacerbate my laughter.
Needless to say it does the trick, and distracts the agent enough to stop caring about the apples, and allows my I/C to pass through unscathed.

Tricksy InCharge.

Iridescence

As I'm performing a final cabin check on descent, I notice the glow of what I assumed to be an electronic device that had not yet been switched off.

 "Sir, as we are landing presently, I ask that you please switch that off." 

Upon further inspection, and a look of utter bewilderment, I notice that it was in fact the glow of the overhead reading light reflecting off the absurdly white pages on a novel.

Goodness gracious, I suppose this is what exhaustion feels like.

Backhand

U.S.A Customs Official: "Are you sure this is you?" (Referring to my passport)

Unfortunate Passport Photo

 "Yessir! It was taken a few years ago"

 "My, my...You have certainly improved! Good job ;)
 [yes he winked]

... Thank you?

J-walking with a crew bag is an extreme sport, one that I have absolutely no business participating in.

Caught the bus though.

Flipping the bird.

Demonstrating how to fasten/unfasten a seat-belt is extremely challenging with a sprained middle finger. I may have inadvertently insulted to my passengers a few times.




Sorry.

Floundering Kiwi

This morning as I was going through American Customs. I forgot that there are certain forbidden fruits that are allowed/not allowed into the country. DUE TO THE FACT THAT EVERY AGENT SEEMS TO HAVE A DIFFERENT LIST. But I digress...

"What do you have written here ma'am?" Demands the Customs Official.

Dejectedly, I responded with "I wrote kiwi fruit sir..." 

"You are aware, of course, that I cannot allow you to bring any citrus through?"

Here is where I thought I'd use my wit to save my hide (and my kiwis)

"Of course sir, however, I do apologize, for I never meant to deceive you, but it is not a citrus I carry but instead a homosexual New Zealander".

He still made me throw out my kiwis.

Counter-Balance

On smaller planes, especially, we sometimes have to shift weight throughout the cabin to compensate for the weight of the cargo or fuel due to stringent weight and balance guidlines. This happens mostly when the plane isn't full.
Today, I had to move several passengers from the front of the cabin to the back.

One of my passengers is having none of it and expresses his displeasure at no longer having 2 seats to himself  "...but I don't want to sit next to a stranger!"

There is no way we are going anywhere without having met all our safety guidelines (weight and balance being a big one). Instead of getting myself into a debate on the validaty of our procedures I respond with

 "Sir, a stranger is but a friend you have yet to meet!" 

 The look he have me was as if I had slapped him in the face.
 THERE IS A REASON MY NAME RHYMES WITH CHEESE!

It worked.

Shaken, not Stunned.

As much as I ADORE this job there are days where it can get quite repetitious. Up and Down, Up and Down. Same announcements over and over. Check seat belts. Please turn that off. May I offer you a beverage?

So it stands to reason, that while doing service for the zillionth time that day, I began to zone out.

A passenger asks for tomato juice.

 Shake the can, open the can, serve.

 Next, another tomato juice. Shake the can, open the can, serve.

"Diet coke please." Shake the can... whoops! Luckily I caught myself before opening it. "I can't do THAT with pop, haha!" I quip as I switch out the cans. "Silly me, I don't know where my head is!"

A Passenger replies "IN THE CLOUDS!"

Oh, I laughed. That sure snapped me out of my daze!!

Hiatus over!

For now.

I just compiled a bunch of my stories. Here y'are: