Hosiery Hoe

The day I have an important person on my flight is the day I look like a cheap hooker.

A military man adorned with multiple medals and ropes dangling off his shoulder, followed by 4 other men in suits boarded my flight to Ottawa with the gate agent following closely behind. As they get all settled into their seats the gate agent approaches me and tells me that I have the Minister of National Defense and his entourage on my flight today. EVER COOL! But of course the instant we take off they all fall asleep... except mister uniform.
About mid flight I notice my nylons falling down, and anybody who wears nylons can attest to the fact that when the gusset is not properly located everything gets super uncomfortable. SO I go to the lav to adjust myself, however instead of pulling them up I stuck my hand through the side and POOF instant runs all the way down my thigh.

The skirt covered the majority of the disaster, alas each step I took made the spread like wildfire. I had to side-step each time I passed our Minister of Defense to try and hide my hookerishness.

I am so ashamed.

Aurora

Shipped out to Calgary to operate to Fort McMurray and Kelowna I was!
What a fine September morn when we started our voyage. Western flying is so lovely I thought to myself as the day went by, soon enough I found it to be evening. I go about my FA duties like I do on every flight, passing through the cabin offering my beverage service when I get a call from the Flight Deck. "LISE COME UP FRONT IMMEDIATELY!" Expecting an emergency I quickly gather all my service equipment stow everything securely, put my blazer on, grab the emergency procedure booklet and knock on the flight deck door to come in. They open the door and I prepare for an emergency briefing. "Look at the lights!"
My pilots only wanted to show me the northern lights. BY CALLING ME TO THE FRONT IN THE MOST ALARMING WAY POSSIBLE! But were they ever gorgeous! I'm so glad they did otherwise I never would have noticed. I must have been in the flight deck for quite some time staring in awe.
When I returned to my service I was grinning like the Cheshire cat till the end of the flight. What a great experience.

Of course they realized how terrified I was when I entered the flight deck so inevitably the called me up in the same manner the next day to show me the Rockies.

Burnt Out

I have come to the conclusion that I may be a little absurd.

I had two standups in a row (essentially last flight of the day, get 4-6 hours of crew rest and out on the first flight of the morning) and a poor nights sleep the previous night. So on the last leg of the two days I was pretty exhausted. The flight is going smoothly, I'm fighting to keep awake as I go through the cabin with my service of butter flavored cardboard pretzels and juice. I'm leaning over to serve a passenger when all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I notice smoke. "WHERE IS MY FIRE EXTINGUISHER, WHERE IS MY SMOKE HOOD, I HAVE TO TELL MY CAPTAIN" Instantly runs through my head. As the panic fades and I go to turn around to run to the interphone the hair moves out of my eyes.
That is correct. I was so bloody tired I thought the hair in my face was smoke. I suppose I should be thankful I didn't actually call the captain, what a load of paperwork that would have caused. Of course I did tell them once on the ground and received plenty of teasing and laughter.
I just wonder about that passenger I was serving at the time, I must have been holding that packet of pretzels in front of his face with a look of sheer panic for quite a few seconds before spinning around, realizing how foolish I was, sighing dramatically then offering him a some juice.

Faux Pas

The airport escalator has outsmarted me yet again.

I have enough trouble navigating my one crew bag, I don't know what possessed me to offer to take two up an escalator.
I'm walking to the escalator wheeling around two bags feeling like such a badass. I manage to get on the escalator no problem. The bags get on, as we start are ascension I notice the bags aren't fully positioned on a step. NO PROBLEM I'll just hold them up. I begin to tilt back as though I'm travelling at breakneck speeds, and start to realize my center of gravity is shifting. The bags were trying to kill me. As I'm slowly leaning further and further backwards I know that I must let go of the bags to avoid impending doom. But of course instinct tells me to hold on tighter. While I ponder the uselessness of instinct, I notice that my feet are no longer on the steps and I have somehow begun a backflip. I crash into the bags and we get tangled together as we tumble down the recirculating steps. "ARE YOU OKAY?" A man shouts as he rushes to my aid. He grabs on of the bags and stops the other from falling. I jump to my feet, pull down my skirt (by this time I'm sure everyone has seen my knickers)and grab the other bag. At this point the there are quite a few people on the escalator asking me if im okay. Of course I begin to laugh hysterically to cover my embarrassment, but that inevitably draws more attention to myself. The escalator finally reaches the top, I thank everyone profusely for their help, apologize abundantly and scurry away to the crew room to hide my shame.

That is the story of how I broke the handle to my new crew bag.

Pankages

I had a wonderful First Officer who made the whole crew pancakes on our layover in his hometown. It was magical.

My city

Hello sir!

Proceeding through the cabin with service we hit some MAD turbulence, first instinct is to lower my center of gravity. So I sit. On a passenger.
He didn't seem too impressed.

Quite Contrary

Walking through the cabin I notice this one tough guy covered in piercings and tattoos with an attitude listening to Justin Beiber on his iPod.
What a chuckle!

Phlebotomize me in the sky

Deadhead home from Calgary.
-4 hours.
-My inflight entertainment system isn't working.
-No special little staff freebies.
-Two passengers to crawl over to access the isle.
Redeeming factors
-Great book
-Window seat
-Surrounded by quiet friendly passengers
-Met a great AC FA seated behind me (passed notes, agreed to get married, he also got me some ice cream and cookies)

AND THEN
AND TOP OF GODDAMN DESCENT I notice that my left nostril as started spewing blood. AGAIN. Of course I immediatly try to catch it with my hands while excusing myself and crawling with elbows and knees over the two poor passengers seated next to me. I run past the huge lineup to the lavatory, crash into the galley and demand towels.
The poor operating flight attendants were so surprised to see this deadheading FA running into their galley her face and hands covered in blood. As they are scrambling about to fetch me some towels so that I may mop myself up they ask me "Did someone do this too you!?" It was all I could do to not laugh at this whole situation. OF COURSE handsome FA that was seated behind me clears the line to the lav and seats me down on the closed toilet and instructs me to place ice wrapped up in a towel behind my neck and pinch my nose. As Im struggling with these instructions while trying to clean myself up he takes one hand at a time and cleans me up for me .... ON LANDING!
I inhale the rest of the blood falling out of my nose. Try to inconspicuously plug this blood faucet with some balled up tissue. Shove a wad of TP in my pocket. Rush back to my seat for landing.
I MIRACULOUSLY was able to avoid getting blood on anything or anybody (including myself) and still look fantastic!

Safety Demo (sequel)

I was applauded for doing the safety demo yesterday.
AND ALL MY CLOTHES WERE PROPERLY FASTENED!

success

Why is it that -3 in Moncton feels a million times colder then -22 in Winnipeg?

Staring contest

On a two hour flight I notice this passenger looking at me, totally normal right? WRONG this guy (albeit cute) wouldn't stop staring at me. THE WHOLE FLIGHT. Initially I thought there was something wrong with my face, then I just assumed he was just unable to tear his eyes away from my undeniable beauty. I walk up and down the isle trying to shake his gaze, to no avail. I accept defeat and just do my job trying as best I can to ignore that riveting glare.
We land and my passengers begin to deplane. As he leaves he pauses and says "Thanks for the flight, and I'm sorry for staring"
I was left speechless, how do you respond to something like that? "Don't worry about it!", "my pleasure!", "yea it was a bit weird but you are cute so i forgive you", "take a picture it lasts longer!" In the end I mumbled some inaudible sounds, smiled and nodded till he was off the plane.

Escalator tumble

I met with my (super cute) pilot in the crew room and we begin heading toward US customs. Taking the up escalator I realize that I have forgotten a necessary bit of paper and my passport in my purser bag. Now I have a rolley bag and a purser bag that clip to each other. I unclip my purser bag and set it atop my rolley one to retrieve my appropriate bits of identification, upon closing my purser bag it slips. AND BEGINS TUMBLING DOWN THE UP ESCALATOR. So naturally I chase it, but its going to fast and there are other people getting on the escalator and I'm shouting at them "I APOLOGIZE!" Finally catch up to my bag before it crashes into these bewildered people. I then realize I had forgotten about my rolley bag which was calmly sitting on the step getting closer and closer to the top. I begin to chase that when my pilot steps up and catches it for me.
The people at the bottom witness a distraught flight attendant chasing her loose baggage shouting apologies, whereas the pilot at the top is shaking his head in dispair that he has to work a whole pairing with this uncoordinated child.

Safety Demo

two months in I was still very green, being released on my own:
Im in front of the cabin doing my safty demo, showing off my safty features card, how to attach a seatbelt, my exits and the floor level lighting. Generally nobody gives a crap as they have seen it all a million times before, but this time they were all watching me intently so i start getting really enthusiastic about it, thinking to myself "I must be doing a really great job!"
I go to tuck my lanyard into my shirt to avoid in from flapping about when I notice my shirt is undone ... and I was wearing an unmistakable florescent pink bra.
It wasnt my safety demo prowess that my passengers were admiring.